I love Brad Pitt with all of my heart, body, and soul. All of my being and everything that I am is in love with his chiseled jaw and washboard abs

but do you want to know what I love EVEN MORE than heart-throb ,do-it-machine Brad Pitt

Never having to see the movie Troy again for the rest of my life.

I have been dick-crazy obsessed with Brad Pitt ever since I bought Legends of the fall from the $5 DVD bin at Walmart last month. So, what have I been doing for the last 4 weeks?

buying every Brad Pitt movie that exists in our universe… including the epic shitfest: TROY

MAYBE if you are one of the many americans who suffers from a combination of blindness, deafness, and slight retardation- I recommend that you go to your local Blockbuster and rent Troy. ….otherwise save your seven dollars and do something equally entertaining .. such as changing all the lightbulbs in your house and waiting for them to burn out

I guess you can’t win them all.

But if you can sit through the 5 all star celebrities putting on phony english accents for the first 3 and 1/2 hours .. the sex scene is so hot it will make your nipples swell up and fall off.

Blast from MY past

yes, when I was 18 I lived with my mother, decided that college was for everyone except for me, and speant 14 hours a day sending AIM messages to friends that were away from their computers doing homework.

I ALSO TOOK A LOT OF BONG LOADS

MathewPerryL0vr (9:55:01 PM): hey yo
MathewPerryL0vr (9:56:40 PM): where are you brotha
MathewPerryL0vr (9:58:26 PM): yo yo yo … i just be getting mo’ blacker the longer you wait kid
MathewPerryL0vr (10:00:35 PM): .. alright my teeth are now plated in gold … there is a bitch sucking my nuts and i am breaking bottles of chrystal to relieve my boredom
MathewPerryL0vr (10:02:50 PM): .. ouch… sorry my little brother just ran over my toe with the custom-made bentley wheel chair i bought him
MathewPerryL0vr (10:04:18 PM): brb – i need to go and design a clothing line called “fat ho cake”
MathewPerryL0vr (10:09:14 PM): .. i am back – i hope you dont mind that i decided to bath in diamonds before i came back to the computer
MathewPerryL0vr (10:09:43 PM): .. i fucked elizabeth hurley too
MathewPerryL0vr (10:10:28 PM): oh no i spilled my cocaine all over the keyboard
MathewPerryL0vr (10:10:44 PM): .. oh well thats what vacuums are for i suppose
MathewPerryL0vr (10:13:52 PM): time to watch cheers
MathewPerryL0vr (10:14:08 PM): .. do you see how i went from being really black to being a washed up rocck star…
MathewPerryL0vr (10:14:18 PM): it’s a fine line my brother – a fine line

Clearly I also enjoyed Matthew Perry of the TV hit, “Friends”

- Angie

Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express is going to make you laugh, cry, and then shit all over your panties because of all the laughing and crying you will be doing.

Now, this movie may not even be very good. I couldn’t tell you with certainty that it will change your life because I have never seen it. BUT I can telll you that I, along with 7 to 8 other very trustworthy people, believe that Judd Apatow is god and everything he makes is like a precious golden Pagasus.

WATCH THE TRAILER NOW

AND THEN SPEND 15% OF YOUR PAYCHECK ON A TICKET FOR TONIGHT’S MIDNIGHT SHOWING.

Meth. Not Even Once.

Nancy Reagan went about it all wrong. “Just say no!” is a phrase for sweet obedient little darlingswho watch Carebears and Rainbow Brite.

Well the 80’s are over and so are the days when Ol’ Nancy was even the least bit effective.

This is the charming and timeless drug PSA that came on after Bobby’s world when I was 9.

METH NOT EVEN ONCE.

Show this to your 5 year olds and they will burn an animal alive before ever taking a taste of the drug that’s 2 parts anti-freeze, 3 parts gasoline, and 9 parts degradation and low self esteem.

Quantum Creep

 

BAKULA: HOT PIECE or 50 YEAR OLD MAN THAT ONLY I AM ATTRACTED TO?

Here’s the thing, Scott Bakula deserves to be talked about at least once every 7 months . Sure, Quantum leap was over about 8 years ago and none of the actors have really done anything but fat lines of blow and low-budget made-for-TV movies since the series cancelation in 1996

BUT HEY, he’s Dr. Sam Beckett

and no one is bumpable like Dr. Sam Beckett .

He’s the kind of guy who would slip his hand around your neck and caress the soft spot behind your ear before looking at you as if to say, ” you are so fucking beautiful that looking at you makes me feel like our souls are dancing together in an ocean of love and chocolate”

Now, I am not completely sure which Learn to love your Partner instructional VHS this screen shot came from. All I can infer is that Dr. Sam Beckett is sensual and also hairier than any  generic, deadly half-man half-monster creature.

 

I will say that I saw  the BAK once at the Madrid on Sherman Way which is the kind of theater where the florescent marquee has 4 bulbs  burnt out and the ticket counter is jam-packed with hateful sickly looking he/shes that wear too much black eyeliner. 

My girlfriend and I were celebrating our 3 month anniversary by taking in  the sexually-charged, nazi song and dance spectacular:

CABARET.

Bakula was sitting in the lobby with 4 elitist boogers talking about how flat the singers were and how,” it was just so awful to sit through that wretched rendition of blablablablabla something else pretentious”  This experience made me decide that Scott Bakula is less of a 90’s babe and more of a washed up 2004 Snobberson McCock.

 

But just to put it out there…

I would blow his 50 year old dong.

  

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Romance and lesbianism…. and lusty dirty sexy thoughts

I LIKE LESBIANS WHO MAKE OUT ON CAMERA

Here you go-another reason to feel extremely single, lonely and pathetic or unsatisfied with the relationship that you’ve been ” getting around” to ending for the passed 4 and 1/2 years

FOR THE MEN: This is literally a video of a bunch of dignified actress types sucking face and lovin’ it. You will need a clean rag, some vaseline, and a lock on your door if you chose to watch

Youtube use and pussy-lover:AntinuousZoe titled this movie: BEST LESBIAN MOVIE SCENES EVER

Watching this movie will definitely make you dumber

A NEW MOVIE IS COMING OUT!

 

and it will destroy the minds of your children.

Do you think that your little pudding-pie-daughter is going to be a genius because she ties her own shoes and can almost always color in the lines at only 7 months old? Then please. i am begging you, do not ruin her career as a biochemist.

For all that is holy and good in this world, do not let her see this movie about 4 30 year olds women  playing 16 year old girls who share a pair of pants and recite lines from a script that closely resembles the Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul series.

besides….

this one was better.