Strawberry Shortcake

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

Don’t ask yourself why in 1988 a group of nine 6 -year-old children lived in a land made of fattening desserts. Just enjoy this happy little song about happy little Strawberry Land and remember that your childhood is over- but if you do the right drugs, you can watch this clip and be right back in your childhood living room eating gushers and learning phrases like, “bite me”.

If you enjoy bootleg copies of old TV shows that make you smile and sing silly songs about strawberry cakes and rainbow land .. I suggest you go <a href=”http://www.imissmytvshow.com”>here</a>.I am in no way affiliated with this site but I have speant over $300 buying crap that I don’t need from it and I feel like you deserve to do the same.

Some of the titles that they offer are:

Rocko’s Modern Life

Snorks

Strawberry Shortcake

Daria

The original X-MEN

and a lot of other junk that you will surely need in order to be happy.

Blast from MY past

yes, when I was 18 I lived with my mother, decided that college was for everyone except for me, and speant 14 hours a day sending AIM messages to friends that were away from their computers doing homework.

I ALSO TOOK A LOT OF BONG LOADS

MathewPerryL0vr (9:55:01 PM): hey yo
MathewPerryL0vr (9:56:40 PM): where are you brotha
MathewPerryL0vr (9:58:26 PM): yo yo yo … i just be getting mo’ blacker the longer you wait kid
MathewPerryL0vr (10:00:35 PM): .. alright my teeth are now plated in gold … there is a bitch sucking my nuts and i am breaking bottles of chrystal to relieve my boredom
MathewPerryL0vr (10:02:50 PM): .. ouch… sorry my little brother just ran over my toe with the custom-made bentley wheel chair i bought him
MathewPerryL0vr (10:04:18 PM): brb – i need to go and design a clothing line called “fat ho cake”
MathewPerryL0vr (10:09:14 PM): .. i am back – i hope you dont mind that i decided to bath in diamonds before i came back to the computer
MathewPerryL0vr (10:09:43 PM): .. i fucked elizabeth hurley too
MathewPerryL0vr (10:10:28 PM): oh no i spilled my cocaine all over the keyboard
MathewPerryL0vr (10:10:44 PM): .. oh well thats what vacuums are for i suppose
MathewPerryL0vr (10:13:52 PM): time to watch cheers
MathewPerryL0vr (10:14:08 PM): .. do you see how i went from being really black to being a washed up rocck star…
MathewPerryL0vr (10:14:18 PM): it’s a fine line my brother – a fine line

Clearly I also enjoyed Matthew Perry of the TV hit, “Friends”

- Angie

Meth. Not Even Once.

Nancy Reagan went about it all wrong. “Just say no!” is a phrase for sweet obedient little darlingswho watch Carebears and Rainbow Brite.

Well the 80’s are over and so are the days when Ol’ Nancy was even the least bit effective.

This is the charming and timeless drug PSA that came on after Bobby’s world when I was 9.

METH NOT EVEN ONCE.

Show this to your 5 year olds and they will burn an animal alive before ever taking a taste of the drug that’s 2 parts anti-freeze, 3 parts gasoline, and 9 parts degradation and low self esteem.

Quantum Creep

 

BAKULA: HOT PIECE or 50 YEAR OLD MAN THAT ONLY I AM ATTRACTED TO?

Here’s the thing, Scott Bakula deserves to be talked about at least once every 7 months . Sure, Quantum leap was over about 8 years ago and none of the actors have really done anything but fat lines of blow and low-budget made-for-TV movies since the series cancelation in 1996

BUT HEY, he’s Dr. Sam Beckett

and no one is bumpable like Dr. Sam Beckett .

He’s the kind of guy who would slip his hand around your neck and caress the soft spot behind your ear before looking at you as if to say, ” you are so fucking beautiful that looking at you makes me feel like our souls are dancing together in an ocean of love and chocolate”

Now, I am not completely sure which Learn to love your Partner instructional VHS this screen shot came from. All I can infer is that Dr. Sam Beckett is sensual and also hairier than any  generic, deadly half-man half-monster creature.

 

I will say that I saw  the BAK once at the Madrid on Sherman Way which is the kind of theater where the florescent marquee has 4 bulbs  burnt out and the ticket counter is jam-packed with hateful sickly looking he/shes that wear too much black eyeliner. 

My girlfriend and I were celebrating our 3 month anniversary by taking in  the sexually-charged, nazi song and dance spectacular:

CABARET.

Bakula was sitting in the lobby with 4 elitist boogers talking about how flat the singers were and how,” it was just so awful to sit through that wretched rendition of blablablablabla something else pretentious”  This experience made me decide that Scott Bakula is less of a 90’s babe and more of a washed up 2004 Snobberson McCock.

 

But just to put it out there…

I would blow his 50 year old dong.

  

---

BRB is an acronym for ” Be right back”…. and I will

GONE FISHIN’

BE BACK ON THE MOST MISERABLE AND DISAPPOINTING DAY OF THE WEEK:

MONDAY

or as I like to call it, ” The Day after copious amounts of alcohol, 4 visits to Denny’s, and 7 or 8 regrettable decisions”

and yes,

that text message you sent to your ex -girlfriend was THAT desperate and humiliating

see jew soon

- Belafonte

A man at the end of his rope.

Things were never the same for TGIF’S Reginald VelJohnson after the cancelation of Family Matters.

but he’s right. It’s just like a mini mall.

“My Black ass was all up in there”

I went to the overcrowded Canoga Park 24hr Laundramat yesterday and I met a heavyset black woman who shared with me all of her Taxicab Confessions.

Basically, I was sitting on top of a washing machine when a short middle-aged woman wobbled over and told me that Tupac ” kept it real” and was ” her favorite motherfucker”. Now I could give a pair of wrinkled saggy balls about which rapper was the realest motherfucker but for fear that she would knife out one of my vital organs if I grabbed my wet clothes and peeled out of the parking lot, I sat there in silence and learned about Exactly what Mick Jagger likes his ghetto ethnic hookers to do for mad cash.

So here’s to you Mick and your strange fixation with coffins and a woman you knew as ” shorty” so many years ago.

Wake up!

The best part of waking up is Folgers and some Cunt.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Sure they look like 12 year old boys but come on, it’s not your fault that your interests are  so unique. Enjoy a taste of the submissive, 4 foot 10, Asian fetish fantasy that awaits you below.

Now go on and have yourself a hard day of paperwork, impatient customers, and water cooler discussions about MTV’s The Hills.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer

because young Lord Voldemort will reach down your throat and rip out your wizard-loving heart if you don’t pay $11.00 to watch his new movie.

Belafonte’s favorite torpedos

1. Righty and Lefty

pictured above: Resident busty semen bucket, Brandy Taylor

2. Nip and Nap

pictured above: Porn star extraordinaire and out and out ho-bag, Gianna

3. The Blue-footed Booby

pictured above: rare Ecuadorian seabird known for it’s periwinkle footies.

4. Space ball and flying saucer

pictured above: Alien whore and violent sex soldier, Barbarella

5. Joey Lawrence

no explanation necessary

All links in this post go to Free Gianna and Brandy movies. Most of which you can buy new for $3.95.

YEAH, SERIOUSLY.