Wake up with Aria Giovanni :)

Aria Giovanni : Come get a taste of her sweater melons

All of the links in this post go to free rentals for my personal favorite Aria movies but some of the links go to lists of Aria movies so you can pick your own smut if you know what you like.

Happy Friday, Masturbaters.

watch this monkey drink his own piss!

Call a staff meeting, or a student government meeting, or a frat-boy beer pong tournament and watch this intrigueing study of animal behavior.

A MONKEY DOING TEE TEE INTO HIS OWN MOUTH!

Pineapple Express

Pineapple Express is going to make you laugh, cry, and then shit all over your panties because of all the laughing and crying you will be doing.

Now, this movie may not even be very good. I couldn’t tell you with certainty that it will change your life because I have never seen it. BUT I can telll you that I, along with 7 to 8 other very trustworthy people, believe that Judd Apatow is god and everything he makes is like a precious golden Pagasus.

WATCH THE TRAILER NOW

AND THEN SPEND 15% OF YOUR PAYCHECK ON A TICKET FOR TONIGHT’S MIDNIGHT SHOWING.

Quantum Creep

 

BAKULA: HOT PIECE or 50 YEAR OLD MAN THAT ONLY I AM ATTRACTED TO?

Here’s the thing, Scott Bakula deserves to be talked about at least once every 7 months . Sure, Quantum leap was over about 8 years ago and none of the actors have really done anything but fat lines of blow and low-budget made-for-TV movies since the series cancelation in 1996

BUT HEY, he’s Dr. Sam Beckett

and no one is bumpable like Dr. Sam Beckett .

He’s the kind of guy who would slip his hand around your neck and caress the soft spot behind your ear before looking at you as if to say, ” you are so fucking beautiful that looking at you makes me feel like our souls are dancing together in an ocean of love and chocolate”

Now, I am not completely sure which Learn to love your Partner instructional VHS this screen shot came from. All I can infer is that Dr. Sam Beckett is sensual and also hairier than any  generic, deadly half-man half-monster creature.

 

I will say that I saw  the BAK once at the Madrid on Sherman Way which is the kind of theater where the florescent marquee has 4 bulbs  burnt out and the ticket counter is jam-packed with hateful sickly looking he/shes that wear too much black eyeliner. 

My girlfriend and I were celebrating our 3 month anniversary by taking in  the sexually-charged, nazi song and dance spectacular:

CABARET.

Bakula was sitting in the lobby with 4 elitist boogers talking about how flat the singers were and how,” it was just so awful to sit through that wretched rendition of blablablablabla something else pretentious”  This experience made me decide that Scott Bakula is less of a 90’s babe and more of a washed up 2004 Snobberson McCock.

 

But just to put it out there…

I would blow his 50 year old dong.

  

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Wake up!

It’s the moment you’ve been anticipating since you drove home from the office last Friday

THE FIRST DAY OF WORK!

You look like you need to see some raunchy and perverted photos.

Please scroll down to enjoy some fame-starved teenage girls with no direction

and a whole basket of daddy issues.

Now, go back to your cubicle and pretend you are researching opportunities for financial growth.

BRB is an acronym for ” Be right back”…. and I will

GONE FISHIN’

BE BACK ON THE MOST MISERABLE AND DISAPPOINTING DAY OF THE WEEK:

MONDAY

or as I like to call it, ” The Day after copious amounts of alcohol, 4 visits to Denny’s, and 7 or 8 regrettable decisions”

and yes,

that text message you sent to your ex -girlfriend was THAT desperate and humiliating

see jew soon

- Belafonte

Am I Dead of Alive?

Hello stranger, I am Dom Delouise.

I had a principle role in the animated feature All Dogs Go to Heaven. Nobody knows if I have ever worked on anything else in my entire life. I clearly have high cholesterol as well as advanced diabetes due to my 700 pound face and body. No man woman or child has heard my name out loud in over 2 decades.

So I pose the question, ” Am I gambling away my last $4 leftover from a lifetime movie I did in 1996 or am I pushing up daisies in a Van Nuys Cemetary?”

Survey Says

MILEY CYRUS makes me want to….

a

a) vomit for the rest of forever

b) smile and laugh while i buy her albums and have dance parties

c) drink until i am drunk enough to forget that Miley Cyrus is a person that exists in my reality

I know she is 15 and I know that she has unfortunate teeth but she also has about 7 million dollars and the power to make 3 year olds enjoy wearing  tube tops. This poll is the first step towards getting a unanimous vote that will inevitabley lead to her demise. So come on guys. Let’s extinguish the Hannah Montana Flame before I  get my tubes tied for fear of her influence on my future daughters and flamboyantly gay sons.

make your decision wisely.

Wake Up!

What’s a Friday morning without a few bitches who would blow the town hobo for just one lick of the resin in his crackpipe?

Please enjoy yourself and take a look at some modern day sword swallowers.

I bought weed from a pornstar once. I thought she harvested corn and squash because she had clumps of mudd and grass painted onto her legs.

“Oh no!” she said ” Nothing like that. I was just doing a scene in the hills at Chatsworth park where I had to kneel down next to an oak tree and get my asshole banged out by two black men”

She then showed me and Lance 6 pictures of her getting humped with a strap on and said, ” Which one looks best? I don’t want to the wrong one up on my site and look stupid“

Gigantic Oriental Chest Pillows

Minka love your cockles long time

and her handball

titties are ready to devour any balls she sees.

Careful though. Those boulders have been known to crush 2 year old children.

I have spoken to Minka the asian boob queen once in my life and her words will stay with me always.

“You come with me. You come with me. I tennis pro. I know cute hunky babe man to marry you in California. He love you.”

beauty and brains.

All links in this post go to free porn movies like

“Big Tit Bondage”

starring the one, the only, Minka.