Strawberry Shortcake

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

Don’t ask yourself why in 1988 a group of nine 6 -year-old children lived in a land made of fattening desserts. Just enjoy this happy little song about happy little Strawberry Land and remember that your childhood is over- but if you do the right drugs, you can watch this clip and be right back in your childhood living room eating gushers and learning phrases like, “bite me”.

If you enjoy bootleg copies of old TV shows that make you smile and sing silly songs about strawberry cakes and rainbow land .. I suggest you go <a href=”http://www.imissmytvshow.com”>here</a>.I am in no way affiliated with this site but I have speant over $300 buying crap that I don’t need from it and I feel like you deserve to do the same.

Some of the titles that they offer are:

Rocko’s Modern Life

Snorks

Strawberry Shortcake

Daria

The original X-MEN

and a lot of other junk that you will surely need in order to be happy.

Quantum Creep

 

BAKULA: HOT PIECE or 50 YEAR OLD MAN THAT ONLY I AM ATTRACTED TO?

Here’s the thing, Scott Bakula deserves to be talked about at least once every 7 months . Sure, Quantum leap was over about 8 years ago and none of the actors have really done anything but fat lines of blow and low-budget made-for-TV movies since the series cancelation in 1996

BUT HEY, he’s Dr. Sam Beckett

and no one is bumpable like Dr. Sam Beckett .

He’s the kind of guy who would slip his hand around your neck and caress the soft spot behind your ear before looking at you as if to say, ” you are so fucking beautiful that looking at you makes me feel like our souls are dancing together in an ocean of love and chocolate”

Now, I am not completely sure which Learn to love your Partner instructional VHS this screen shot came from. All I can infer is that Dr. Sam Beckett is sensual and also hairier than any  generic, deadly half-man half-monster creature.

 

I will say that I saw  the BAK once at the Madrid on Sherman Way which is the kind of theater where the florescent marquee has 4 bulbs  burnt out and the ticket counter is jam-packed with hateful sickly looking he/shes that wear too much black eyeliner. 

My girlfriend and I were celebrating our 3 month anniversary by taking in  the sexually-charged, nazi song and dance spectacular:

CABARET.

Bakula was sitting in the lobby with 4 elitist boogers talking about how flat the singers were and how,” it was just so awful to sit through that wretched rendition of blablablablabla something else pretentious”  This experience made me decide that Scott Bakula is less of a 90’s babe and more of a washed up 2004 Snobberson McCock.

 

But just to put it out there…

I would blow his 50 year old dong.

  

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BRB is an acronym for ” Be right back”…. and I will

GONE FISHIN’

BE BACK ON THE MOST MISERABLE AND DISAPPOINTING DAY OF THE WEEK:

MONDAY

or as I like to call it, ” The Day after copious amounts of alcohol, 4 visits to Denny’s, and 7 or 8 regrettable decisions”

and yes,

that text message you sent to your ex -girlfriend was THAT desperate and humiliating

see jew soon

- Belafonte

It’s the weekend, you deserve some young perky tatas.

I know you’ve been jonesin’ for areolas since 10:30 this morning. Well don’t worry we’ve got a ton of celebrity sweater meat on display for you here at LeaveittoBeaver.

Feast your eyes on these melons.

If you look closely you can pinpoint the second that these women lose their self-respect.

Now it’s time to eat something that has a shit-ton of gravy on it and watch my stories, punkin.

“I’m gonna rape you at 3 o’clock. Be there”

Celebrity Lesbian Wedding Announcement #2

Everytime a lesbosaurus gets married an Angel gets a pair of Birkenstock sandles and 4 earth tone polo shirts.

-Belafonte

Am I Dead of Alive?

Hello stranger, I am Dom Delouise.

I had a principle role in the animated feature All Dogs Go to Heaven. Nobody knows if I have ever worked on anything else in my entire life. I clearly have high cholesterol as well as advanced diabetes due to my 700 pound face and body. No man woman or child has heard my name out loud in over 2 decades.

So I pose the question, ” Am I gambling away my last $4 leftover from a lifetime movie I did in 1996 or am I pushing up daisies in a Van Nuys Cemetary?”

GET UP STAND UP when you’re done with those dorritos

Attention: Men and women with extremely baggy pants, glow in the dark attire, and “a really AWESOME hand made piece from Cabo”

Get out your zig zags and turn on the black light.

It’s time to trip out.

Can you pass the Acid Test?

They sing for your supper

TREATS THAT GROOVE

My obsession with things that dance and sing before being devoured is unhealthy.

-Belafonte

Donna Martin Graduates

That’s right. Your favorite trashy Beverly Hills brats are back and they are ready to have premarital sex, heavy drug habits, and a whole lot of Full House’s Aunty Becky in front of your hungry eyes.

It may not be the teased hair of yesteryear but it’s the best we could have hoped for. Check out the newly released cast photos here

Miss Tori Spelling is set to appear on the show this season. That is, if she can tear herself away from her well-publicized porno obsession

Bosom Buddies

SCISSOR SISTERS OR BOSOM BUDDIES?

Are they staying in for nail painting and girl talk or are they simply

eating out?

Two days ago I stumbled across this item so I am willing to place my bets on team golf pants & soy milk.

I suppose that Bosom Buddies is a term better left to describe Tom Hanks, fake breasts, and sausage links cloaked in the most regal of 1980’s fashions.

- Harry Belafonte