My 90’s Man meat countdown

I am not one for grotesque man meat but give me A.C. Slater in a hypercolor muscle shirt and I will vomit from the excitement. Without further adeu,

MY FAVORITE 90’S BEEFCAKES:

10. “WHEN I TALK TO LAURA SHE CREAMS IN HER PANTIES BECAUSE I AM JUST SO DAMNED SMOOTH. “

STEFAN URQUELLE

9. “WE DON’T POUND EACH OTHER’S BUTTHOLES WE JUST LIKE TO WORK OUT A LOT AND WATCH SPORTS IN BETWEEN TEARIN’ UP THE PUSSY, OF COURSE”

A.C. SLATER

AND OUR FAVORITE PREPPY BED-WETTER,

ZACK MORRIS

8.”MY COCK IS THE SIZE OF A FUCKING KEILBASA AND I DEFINITELY WANT TO BANG YOU WITH IT”

MARKY MARK

7. DUMB-AS-A-ROCK

JOEY LAWRENCE

6. OUR VERY OWN LOW-RENT BATMAN..

ANGEL

5. SEXY SCIENTIST TYPE AND RESIDENT SOFT-SPOKEN GENTLEMAN

DR. SAM BECKET

4. THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST OF ALL MOTORCYCLE DRIVING, 40-YEAR-OLD HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS

LUKE PERRY.

3. “MY VEST IS ALWAYS OPEN AND 40 YEAR OLD BITCHES LOVE THAT SHIT”

HERCULES

2. ALL THE WAY FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS,

PACEY WITTER

and finally our #1 tortured, ” I secretly never learned how to read and my home life is dog shit” 90’s babe……

JORDAN CATALLANO

A man at the end of his rope.

Things were never the same for TGIF’S Reginald VelJohnson after the cancelation of Family Matters.

but he’s right. It’s just like a mini mall.

“My Black ass was all up in there”

I went to the overcrowded Canoga Park 24hr Laundramat yesterday and I met a heavyset black woman who shared with me all of her Taxicab Confessions.

Basically, I was sitting on top of a washing machine when a short middle-aged woman wobbled over and told me that Tupac ” kept it real” and was ” her favorite motherfucker”. Now I could give a pair of wrinkled saggy balls about which rapper was the realest motherfucker but for fear that she would knife out one of my vital organs if I grabbed my wet clothes and peeled out of the parking lot, I sat there in silence and learned about Exactly what Mick Jagger likes his ghetto ethnic hookers to do for mad cash.

So here’s to you Mick and your strange fixation with coffins and a woman you knew as ” shorty” so many years ago.

Wake up!

The best part of waking up is Folgers and some Cunt.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Sure they look like 12 year old boys but come on, it’s not your fault that your interests are  so unique. Enjoy a taste of the submissive, 4 foot 10, Asian fetish fantasy that awaits you below.

Now go on and have yourself a hard day of paperwork, impatient customers, and water cooler discussions about MTV’s The Hills.

Do you wonder what the shit I look like ?

Why don’t you guess.

One of these photos is me. If you guess right I will send you a werthers toffee hard candy from my grandmother’s purse.

so …

Am I

A)

Olivia Newton-John in a photo still from the Lavandar alien rollerskating movie Xanadu ?

B)

The entire cast of Saved By the Bell?

C)

A heavyset hippo/dog with a striped green t-shirt on?

or

D)

Willie Nelson?

– Belafonte

Leave it to Beaver

 

IMPORTANT MESSAGE :

 I was busted by the internet vagina picture feds. Apparently Lindsay Lohan’s poon is public domain but other celebrities don’t want their labia on my blog.

You can find More degraded sluts exposing themselves on my new blog.

I thought we would end our  Wednesday by exposing and a humiliating a few of my favorite pantiless celebrities. There is nothing like flapping teenage vaj to take the edge off.

Try not to vomit when you see Lindsay Lohan’s roast beef. It’s been used and abused but it deserves a little respect.

 

 

– Belafonte